Spontaneous Vacation Recipe: Gwen's Cilantro Shrimp Marinade

Some of the best recipes are the ones you throw together out of whatever ingredients happen to be in your kitchen that seem like they'd be delicious in combination. I just got back from a long weekend with my gentleman friend during which I whipped up the following I-Don't-Know-What-to-Call-It-But-It's-Awesome recipe:

1/2 lb. bay shrimp, rinsed
Bunch of fresh cilantro, cleaned & chopped rough
Juice of 1 lemon
2-3 green onions, chopped
About a 1/2 cup each of olive oil & white vinegar
Several generous squirts of Huy Fong Sriracha red rooster sauce

Mix all ingredients together in a non-reactive bowl (glass or ceramic). Cover. Chill for at least 2 hours. Spoon out onto tortilla chips and nom nom nom.

The Search for the Edible Pot Noodle: Episode 1

I tell you one thing: I've been to a parallel universe, I've seen time runnin' backwards, I've played pool with planets and I've given birth to twins - but I never thought in my entire life that I'd taste an edible pot noodle.

--David Lister, Demons & Angels

Ah, the humble pot noodle, that dessicated confection of instant broth, salty spice packet, and noodles that is the sustenance of broke college kids and hungry stoners everywhere. Red Dwarf fans will also know that pot noodle is the culinary bane of David Lister's existence; he loathes it so much he'd rather eat dog food first. To his surprise, on the High Red Dwarf in the episode Demons & Angels, Lister and the Cat encounter something Lister had never expected: an edible pot noodle.

Red Dwarf geek that I am, I had to wonder: could such a thing exist on this humble planet Earth? An edible pot noodle?

Well, you know the intrepid gals of Feastygeeks. For your edification and mine, I have begun the search for an edible pot noodle.

For those not in the know, pot noodle is basically a cup of dried noodles with salt, spices, and various other additives (such as bits of dried veggies or tofu). It's cheap, fast, and easy: all you do to prepare it is peel back the lid, add boiling water, let it sit for a few minutes, and eat. There is actually a brand in the UK called Pot Noodle™, but I don't know whether or not pot noodle is called pot noodle because the brand existed first and people just call pot noodles after the brand (the way we call facial tissues Kleenex™ even if they're a different brand), or if Pot Noodle™ trademarked a common phrase. Either way, I'm on the search for a Pot Noodle™source in the US so I can try it as well. UPDATE: I may have found a source. Stay tuned.

My own personal standard for whether or not a pot noodle is edible is admittedly a bit elusive. What's the overall flavor and texture? Does it smell appealing? What does it look like? Is it tasty enough that I can eat the entire pot or cup? Would I eat it again? Those are some of the questions I'm going to be asking myself, in my search for the edible pot noodle.

With that said, for my journey I've decided to start with the U.S. gold standard: Nissin Foods' Cup Noodles.

I don't think there's actually a chicken head in there.

Nissin is the same company that makes Top Ramen, probably the cheapest food on the planet. It was founded by businessman Momofuku Ando, whose experience with food shortages in post-war Japan led him to invent the instant noodle. In 1971 he put instant noodles in a styrofoam cup, and the cup noodle was born.

Cup Noodle has been around since I was a kid, though I remember it as Cup O'Noodles. Little about the packaging has changed - it still has the bright red label, the same fat, swirly typeface, the same pretty product picture that looks nothing like the actual product.

And it still has more or less the same foam cup, with the same insulative properties as I remember. Lightweight, too. Plus you can make neat little patterns in the cup with your thumbnail. (Somebody tell me I'm not the only one to do that...)

 

And the same simple directions: Peel back the lid to the dotted line, add boiling water, close lid, let stand for 3 minutes and eat. Seems straightforward enough...

This is the sight that greeted me when I achieved step one (pulling back the lid to the dotted line). A tangle of dessicated flash-fried noodles with some bits of freeze-dried veggies (looks like carrots and peas), all coated with a yellowish dusting of flavoring. Some cup noodles come with the flavorings in a packet that you tear open and add before the hot water; Cup Noodles puts the flavoring right into the noodle brick so you don't have to go to the extra effort of adding it in yourself. Points for convenience.

And step two achieved: add boiling water. I think there's some corn in there, or maybe bits of dessicated chicken, I'm not sure which. Bubble, bubble, toil and trouble...

Letting it steep for 3 minutes. I hope Spock didn't mind that I let my pot noodle steep on his face.

And the final result, ready for noshing. I ate it with a fork: yeah, I do know how to use chopsticks, but the package had a fork on it and I succumbed to American laziness.

I have to admit here: I'm a tough nut to crack when it comes to instant soups. To my palate, most of them have WAY too much salt, and the seasoning packets rarely taste anything like what they say on the box. (Case in point: "shrimp" flavor. I don't think I need to say anything more on that.) These are my thoughts on Nissin's Chicken Flavored Cup Noodle:

• Texture of the noodles is just fine. They're wiggly, smooth, and a little salty, with enough oil to keep them together without falling apart in the hot water. 
• Texture of the veggies left something to be desired. The corn in particular seems like it didn't rehydrate evenly, so it was chewy in parts and very soggy in others. The carrot bits held up the best.
• The broth was as I expected: too salty and it didn't actually taste anything even remotely like chicken. I have yet to eat any "chicken" flavored instant soup or bouillion that actually tasted like chicken, so I can't hold that against Nissin as it seems to be an industry-wide thing. There was a strong taste of turmeric, and this weird sort of industrial chalky, almost metallic taste. The amount of salt actually burned my tongue and the inside of my cheeks. Which led me to discover...
• ...one of the standards for whether or not a pot noodle is "edible": can I actually finish the entire cup? Can I finish it, and if I can't, is the reason due to taste, or because there's just too much soup in the bowl and I'm full? In this case, I couldn't actually finish the cup. The salt was just too strong. I managed to eat about half of it before I put it aside.

 Gwen's verdict on Nissin's Chicken Flavored Cup Noodle: NOT EDIBLE. The quest continues...

Red Dwarf Recipe: Chicken Marengo

"Too slow, chicken marengo! Too slow for this cat!" (Image (c) Grant Naylor Productions.)

If it isn't patently obvious by now, my all-time favorite TV show is probably the BBC comedy series, Red Dwarf. Sure, my appreciation of Monty Python's Flying Circus grants me automatic nerd status, Blackadder is hard to beat for historical parody, and Star Trek is my most beloved scifi franchise of choice (give me some Romulan ale, and I'll be waxing poetic about the virtues - and vices - of both Kirk and Picard for hours)... but there's nothing quite like the magic that is Red Dwarf.

I'd be hard-pressed to pick a favorite character, but I must say, the Cat is in my top four. The ever-talented Danny John-Jules managed to capture the gestalt of kittiness in his portrayal of the 3,000,000-years-evolved descendant of Dave Lister's cat Frankenstein. Like a cat, Cat's hygiene is meticulous.  Like a cat, his moves are lissome. Like a cat, his self-centeredness is without bounds. And, like a cat, he plays with his food.

Fish seems to be Cat's favorite (being - well, a cat and all), but in a particularly silly moment in the Season One episode, "Confidence and Paranoia" (the very same episode which brings us BEEEEEEEEEEER MILKSHAKES!!), Cat toys mercilessly with a dish of Chicken Marengo.

I've never given birth to twins, played pool with planets, or had an edible pot noodle - and neither have I ever tried Chicken Marengo. Seems it was about damn time.

According to legend, Chicken Marengo was a dish concocted by Napoleon Bonaparte's chef, Dunand, after the Battle of Marengo in June of 1800. Hungry after his victory, Napoleon ordered Dunand to cook him dinner; Dunand started foraging, and managed to rustle up some olive oil, tomatoes, onions, garlic, herbs, crayfish, a few eggs, and a rather anxious chicken. One cook pot and a rush of desperation later, Dunand had thrown together the dish now known as Poulet Marengo, complete with artfully-arranged crayfish and fried eggs on top. Napoleon was allegedly so pleased with the dish that he ate it after every battle from then on.

The story is given added flourish with claims that Dunand dramatically cut up the chicken with a saber and helped boost the sauce with a splash of cognac from Napoleon's own flask. It's a great story, but it's probably all a load of honk. No doubt a dish was later created to commemorate the battle, but whether or not it was whipped up on the spot is the stuff of urban legend.

Taking a cursory look at the description from the story, the dish is essentially chicken in a tomato sauce seasoned with herbs, onions, and garlic - a staple Mediterranean dish, with variations common from Portugal to Sicily. This one just happens to have some unusual garnishes: crayfish and eggs. Some recipes include mushrooms in the sauce, but I didn't. Here's my version.

INGREDIENTS
3-4 lb. boneless chicken, cut into large dice or chunks
2 to 3 medium white or yellow onions, sliced
1 28-oz. can crushed tomatoes
2 to 3 vine ripe tomatoes, cut into large dice
Dry red wine
Italian herb seasoning
Garlic, minced
Olive oil
Salt
6 to 8 really big prawns
3 or 4 hard-boiled eggs

RECIPE
Carmelize the sliced onions in a large, deep, heavy skillet in olive oil over medium heat.

When the onions are translucent and starting to brown, add the chicken, garlic, and Italian seasoning to taste (I used about 3 cloves of garlic and 2 tsp. of Italian seasoning).

When the chicken starts to brown and is partly cooked through, add the diced tomato. Turn up the heat a little and cook for a few minutes until the tomato is hot, stirring often.

Add the red wine and crushed tomatoes. Turn up the heat until the crushed tomatoes start to bubble. Reduce heat and simmer until the chicken is cooked through. If you want less liquid, simmer uncovered; if you want more, simmer covered.

At the very end, lay the prawns on the surface of the sauce. Cover and simmer until the prawns are done (about 5 to 8 minutes depending on the size of the prawns).

Serve in flat soup bowls. Garnish with hardboiled eggs and 1 or 2 prawns per serving.

TIPS

• Take your time carmelizing the onions. Letting onions carmelize properly will make any dish taste absolutely amazing, so be patient.
• My version had the consistency of a thick tomato stew. If you prefer less liquid, brown the chicken in a separate pan with the seasonings (herbs and garlic), drain, and then add to the onions. You can also use less crushed tomato and thicken with tomato paste, and/or leave out the fresh diced tomato entirely.
• Don't be afraid to be generous with seasonings. Don't be afraid to use fresh herbs too, if they're available. Try oregano, rosemary, thyme, parsley, savory, and basil, in any combination. Mince the herbs and add towards the end, a few minutes before steaming the prawns. They'll stay green and retain a fresh flavor that way.
• Goes well with a dry red wine, thick crusty bread, and a green salad dressed simply (with olive oil, vinegar, a little salt, and some shaved or shredded parmesan cheese)