Skyrim Honey-Nut Treats

Restore 5 Points of Health

Honey Nut Treats can be found all over Skryim.  It's a pretty simple idea, really: nuts+honey+stick = sweet, caloric goodness.   Putting these on a stick totally makes sense, as they're so sticky that the Dovahkiin's hands would stick to his/her sword.  Try explaining THAT to a Falmer.

To be really canon, these would probably just be honey, nuts and spices mixed with boiled honey - kind of like simsimieh, but it's a serious pain in the ass to make and unless you're a professional candy maker, there's no guarantee that it will actually set up.  Instead, I've modified an easier marshmallow treat recipe to get a taste that's authentically Skyrim without the need for a French culinary degree.

When you're making these, take the time to go to a restaurant or craft store and get Candy Apple Sticks.  They're sturdy, the perfect size and look just right.  In the game, these treats are the size of a baby's arm, which I put down to the game rendering.  Using a Candy Apple stick produces a treat that's really just the right size for a real meat human (or Dunmer.  or Argonian.  or...).

"Nothing hits the spot right after a fight like Nuts on a Stick."

Recipe (yields about 2 dozen treats)
3 Cups of Puffed Rice Cereal
(you know, the kind that's got a copyright on the name)
3 Cups of Mixed Nuts (salted or unsalted, per your preference)
1/2 Cup Honey
1/2 Cup Peanut Butter
2 Cups Marshmallows
3 Tbsp. Cinnamon

Mix the cereal, nuts and cinnamon in a VERY large mixing bowl, and set aside.

Melt the marshmallows, peanut butter and honey in a very large pot over low heat. Stir well until everything is melted and combined.

Pour the melted mixture into the cereal and nuts, and stir well to combine.

We used unsalted peanuts and almonds.  It was kind of like tasty hippie food.

Transfer the mix to a large mixing bowl and chill in the refrigerator for about 30 minutes.  The mix is too loose to form into balls when it's warm, and needs to chill a bit to firm up.

Take the mix out of the fridge and with damp hands (not soaking wet, just damp), mold the mix into balls that will be skewered onto the apple sticks. Damp hands keep the treats from sticking to you. Buttering your hands works too, but isn't as effective.

At this point, depending on the heat and humidity at your house, the treats may still be too loose to stay stuck on the apple stick. If this is the case, put the rolled treats on a tray and stick them in the freezer for about 15 minutes, then try to skewer them again.

These will keep for a week or more without refrigeration.  Just make sure to wrap or pack them in an airtight container.

Zombie Easter

GUMMY BRRRRAAAAIIINNNNSSSS...

Easter is almost upon us.  In honor of a holiday shared by Christians and Pagans alike, we'd like to share an ancient tradition that was started over 4 years ago by Lexi and her SO as a way to bring together friends from a variety of religious and cultural backgrounds who were 'orphaned' over the Easter Holidays: folks with either no family or celebration to attend.  How do you bring together a diverse group of people over a religious holiday?  Simple.  Just celebrate Zombie Easter.

Here's how we figure it:  Easter, at its most literal, is a resurrection holiday.  Since we don't want any fights or arguments between our friends about the nature or purpose of resurrection, or religion, or any other touchy subjects, this holiday is  all about that most fundamental expression of resurrection, Zombies.

After much consideration about the tradition of Easter in America, we've culled what we think are the most universal (in the colonial sense of the USA being the entire universe, of course) expressions of the holiday that everyone can relate to.

1. Have some Entertainment. A Zombie movie double feature!
Preferably humorous, or tongue-in-cheek.  The more implausible, the better.

Past Double Features...

Black Sheep* + Fido

Wild Zero + Zombieland

Dead Snow + Dead Alive

*Okay, okay, it's not strictly a zombie movie.  But it's perfect for getting in touch with the for the spirit of the event.

2. Serve Food: Lots of snacks and traditional Easter food.
For that true zombie experience,  serve whole, bone-in cuts of meat for the roasts.  The more primal, the better.  There's also a lot of sugar at this party, so having a variety of healthy, lighter fingerfoods on hand is important.

Cheese and Meat tray
Veggie and dip tray
Fruit Tray
Assortment of Chips and popcorn
Easter Ham
Leg of Lamb (Try Lexi's recipe here.)
Potluck Side Dishes

3. Offer Easter Treats, like TONS of candy
Candy in bowls, candy on trays, candy displays, candy gift bags.  If nobody goes into a diabetic coma, you're doing it wrong. 

A great place to find crazy easter candy is at dollar, discount and overstock stores.  You always find the wildest imported candies and most unexpected stuff there.

4. A Fun Activity! How about Peep Mutilation?

Really, any kind of marshmallow easter treats will do.  The sacrificial peep portion of the afternoon gets more and more involved each year.  Put out a tray with skewers, toothpicks, raspberry jam (for blood), tiny cocktail swords, and microwave safe plates. Encourage the guests to get creative.

Peeps were boiled, fried, microwaved, sliced, diced, skewered, stigmata'ed, squished, bitten, and finally... eaten.

We get more and more people at Zombie Easter every year.  Our friends and family love it (Christians and Pagans alike), and I love the fact that we can all get together to celebrate without any pesky religious arguments.   Really, isn't that what a holiday should be about?

Roast Chicken

Spicy, Salty, Crispy Roast Chicken with skin that crackles when you eat it

Roast Chicken is enigmatic. It's such a simple, basic meal but can be really tricky to get just perfect. It's one of our favorite meals at our house, and the chicken rarely makes it to the table; long before it's fully rested, we're standing over the stove, tearing a the crispy skin and picking off the juicy, steamy meat, blowing on our hot fingers. The tradition of impatiently tearing apart a whole chicken, hot from the oven is handed down to me by my mother, who learned much of her cooking many years ago in the tiny village of Ardaktos on Crete. This is another tried-and-true family recipe and it's f'ing delicious.

This chicken recipe takes all day, be warned.

To keep a chicken moist when it's cooked, be sure to brine it for at least an hour. The salt in the brine keeps the chicken meat from releasing moisture during the cooking process, and the sugar helps to crisp and brown the skin. The recipe below is a basic unflavored brine, but you can tinker with it by using brown sugar, flavored salts, or adding crushed herbs and spices.


Basic Brine
1/2 C Sugar
1/2 C Salt
4 Cups Hot or Boiling Water
6 Cups Cold or Ice Water
1 Very Large Bowl
Note the weight of your chicken, you'll need it later


Mix the salt, sugar and hot water in a large bowl, stirring until the crystals are dissolved. If using other spices, add them to the hot mixture as well as the heat will help to release the flavors. Cool the mixture down by adding the cold water. We don't want a chicken sitting for hours in warm water, getting us all sick, now would we?


Remove the giblets from the cavity and set them aside for stock. Put the chicken in the brine, opening up the cavity and making sure it fills with brine. Cover and refrigerate. Brine for at least 2 hours, up to 12 hours. The longer the brining, the saltier the chicken will taste.

Preparing the Chicken
To get a crispy skin, the chicken skin must be dry when it goes into the oven.

Ingredients
1 Chicken
1 Lemon

1. Remove the chicken from the brine. Do not rinse.
2. Loosen the skin all over the chicken by gently running your hand under the skin and separating it from the meat. Be careful not to tear.
3. Zest 1 lemon into a small bowl. Juice half of it into the same bowl.
4. Gently pour the juice/zest mixture between the chicken skin and meat. Massage it around so it spreads evenly.
5. Pat the chicken dry inside and out and set on an open plate in the refrigerator for about an hour to dry.

Roasting the Chicken
Stuffing the chicken cavity with a dense stuffing will make the chicken cook unevenly. Make sure that if you stuff it, only use loosely packed herbs like rosemary sprigs or a few cloves of garlic so that the heat can circulate evenly.

Preheat Oven to 450

Ingredients
4 Tbl Olive Oil
4-6 Tbl Dried Oregano
2 tsp Cayenne Pepper
2 Cloves Garlic, Smashed
1 Tbl Salt (go easy on the salt if it was a long brine)
1 Tbl Pepper

1. Rub the inside of the chicken cavity with 1 Tbl Olive Oil and the smashed garlic.
2. Rub the outside of the chicken with the remaining olive oil.
3. Mix the Oregano and Cayenne, and rub it all over the chicken
4. Salt and pepper the chicken on both sides.

Place the chicken breast side down in an open roasting pan with a rack on the bottom. By roasting the back on top for the first part of cooking, the chicken bastes itself and stays moist.

Do not put water in the pan, and do not let the chicken touch the bottom of the pan. Circulating the hot air around the bird helps to crisp the skin.

5. Place in the oven and immediately turn the heat down to 350.
6. The chicken will roast for about 20 minutes per pound, but will be turned over for the last 20 minutes so set the timer for the total roast time minus 20 minutes.
7. Turn the chicken over 20 minutes before the roasting time is done.
8. Add more time if needed. The chicken is done when the juices run clear and a thermometer inserted between the breast and thigh reads 160 (the chicken will continue to cook once it's been removed from the oven - the temp you want is actually 165).
9. If the skin isn't brown enough when the chicken is done, turn on the broiler and crisp it up. It should only take a minute or two - watch carefully so it doesn't burn.

Let the bird rest, uncovered, for about 15 minutes. Carve and serve.

Unless you're at our house, in which case the chicken is GONE as soon as it's cool enough to touch.