Monday, June 10, 2013

Red Dwarf Recipe: Chicken Marengo


"Too slow, chicken marengo! Too slow for this cat!" (Image (c) Grant Naylor Productions.)
If it isn't patently obvious by now, my all-time favorite TV show is probably the BBC comedy series, Red Dwarf. Sure, my appreciation of Monty Python's Flying Circus grants me automatic nerd status, Blackadder is hard to beat for historical parody, and Star Trek is my most beloved scifi franchise of choice (give me some Romulan ale, and I'll be waxing poetic about the virtues - and vices - of both Kirk and Picard for hours)... but there's nothing quite like the magic that is Red Dwarf.

I'd be hard-pressed to pick a favorite character, but I must say, the Cat is in my top four. The ever-talented Danny John-Jules managed to capture the gestalt of kittiness in his portrayal of the 3,000,000-years-evolved descendant of Dave Lister's cat Frankenstein. Like a cat, Cat's hygiene is meticulous.  Like a cat, his moves are lissome. Like a cat, his self-centeredness is without bounds. And, like a cat, he plays with his food.

Fish seems to be Cat's favorite (being - well, a cat and all), but in a particularly silly moment in the Season One episode, "Confidence and Paranoia" (the very same episode which brings us BEEEEEEEEEEER MILKSHAKES!!), Cat toys mercilessly with a dish of Chicken Marengo.

I've never given birth to twins, played pool with planets, or had an edible pot noodle - and neither have I ever tried Chicken Marengo. Seems it was about damn time.

According to legend, Chicken Marengo was a dish concocted by Napoleon Bonaparte's chef, Dunand, after the Battle of Marengo in June of 1800. Hungry after his victory, Napoleon ordered Dunand to cook him dinner; Dunand started foraging, and managed to rustle up some olive oil, tomatoes, onions, garlic, herbs, crayfish, a few eggs, and a rather anxious chicken. One cook pot and a rush of desperation later, Dunand had thrown together the dish now known as Poulet Marengo, complete with artfully-arranged crayfish and fried eggs on top. Napoleon was allegedly so pleased with the dish that he ate it after every battle from then on.

The story is given added flourish with claims that Dunand dramatically cut up the chicken with a saber and helped boost the sauce with a splash of cognac from Napoleon's own flask. It's a great story, but it's probably all a load of honk. No doubt a dish was later created to commemorate the battle, but whether or not it was whipped up on the spot is the stuff of urban legend.

Taking a cursory look at the description from the story, the dish is essentially chicken in a tomato sauce seasoned with herbs, onions, and garlic - a staple Mediterranean dish, with variations common from Portugal to Sicily. This one just happens to have some unusual garnishes: crayfish and eggs. Some recipes include mushrooms in the sauce, but I didn't. Here's my version.

INGREDIENTS
3-4 lb. boneless chicken, cut into large dice or chunks
2 to 3 medium white or yellow onions, sliced
1 28-oz. can crushed tomatoes
2 to 3 vine ripe tomatoes, cut into large dice
Dry red wine
Italian herb seasoning
Garlic, minced
Olive oil
Salt
6 to 8 really big prawns
3 or 4 hard-boiled eggs


RECIPE
Carmelize the sliced onions in a large, deep, heavy skillet in olive oil over medium heat.

When the onions are translucent and starting to brown, add the chicken, garlic, and Italian seasoning to taste (I used about 3 cloves of garlic and 2 tsp. of Italian seasoning).

When the chicken starts to brown and is partly cooked through, add the diced tomato. Turn up the heat a little and cook for a few minutes until the tomato is hot, stirring often.


Add the red wine and crushed tomatoes. Turn up the heat until the crushed tomatoes start to bubble. Reduce heat and simmer until the chicken is cooked through. If you want less liquid, simmer uncovered; if you want more, simmer covered.

At the very end, lay the prawns on the surface of the sauce. Cover and simmer until the prawns are done (about 5 to 8 minutes depending on the size of the prawns).


Serve in flat soup bowls. Garnish with hardboiled eggs and 1 or 2 prawns per serving.


TIPS
  • Take your time carmelizing the onions. Letting onions carmelize properly will make any dish taste absolutely amazing, so be patient.
  • My version had the consistency of a thick tomato stew. If you prefer less liquid, brown the chicken in a separate pan with the seasonings (herbs and garlic), drain, and then add to the onions. You can also use less crushed tomato and thicken with tomato paste, and/or leave out the fresh diced tomato entirely.
  • Don't be afraid to be generous with seasonings. Don't be afraid to use fresh herbs too, if they're available. Try oregano, rosemary, thyme, parsley, savory, and basil, in any combination. Mince the herbs and add towards the end, a few minutes before steaming the prawns. They'll stay green and retain a fresh flavor that way.
  • Goes well with a dry red wine, thick crusty bread, and a green salad dressed simply (with olive oil, vinegar, a little salt, and some shaved or shredded parmesan cheese)

Sunday, May 26, 2013

So a Khajit, an Argonian, and an Orc Walk Into a Skooma Den...

Now legal in the Ratway, the alley behind the Winking Skeever, and Washington State.
 ...and get totally blasted on skooma.

Ah yes, sweet, sweet skooma... sweet, mind-numbing, haze-inducing, brain-cell-slaughtering skooma. Loathed by uptight Imperial soldiers everywhere in Cyrodiil, you can find plenty of it while wandering the wilds of Skyrim. Buy it at any Khajit caravan, from random skooma dealers encountered on the road, or - best of all - make your own with this Real Life Skooma Recipe!

I did - and I will openly, immediately admit that this is a really weird recipe with a really odd mix of flavors. It's not for the faint of stomach or frail of liver. It's not going to be to everyone's taste. But it's as canon as anything else Lexi and I have concocted for this blog, and if you're a diehard Skyrim fan with Daedric-strength tastebuds, give this one a shot.

Skooma in-game is made from refined moon sugar. A book from Morrowind, An Alchemist's Guide to Skooma, describes the recipe in greater detail (I would seriously love to meet the game designer who wrote it). In developing my own recipe, I started with the following descriptions from the book:
In Elsweyr skooma is made from moon sugar and a poisonous herb called nightshade... the preparation of skooma requires that the alchemist dissolve some moon sugar in water and bring it to the boil. For one pint of water you should add one cup of moon sugar. Once it is boiling, add one thimble full of nightshade essence.
That right there, my friends, is simple syrup with powdered nightshade added. Straightforward, basic, and something Lexi and I have done before, in our recipes for Elsweyr Fondue and the Velvet Lachance. Reasoning that trying to make simple syrup using our own moon sugar recipe might cause some issues with melting, I fell back on the variation we came up with for the fondue:

MOON SUGAR SIMPLE SYRUP
1 cup granulated white sugar
1 cup water
1-2 Tbsp of lavender or culinary sumac

Boil sugar in water. Stir until sugar dissolves. Remove from heat immediately and add lavender or culinary sumac to taste, usually 1 or 2 Tbsp. Let cool. (If you make with lavender, we recommend straining before use to get the lavender bits out.)

Left: Sumac Simple Syrup (Secunda)
Right: Lavender Simple Syrup (Masser)
With the Velvet Lachance, we solved the issue of where we might get nightshade; the nightshade family is vast, and there are, in fact, quite a few edible plants within it: tomato and eggplant are some examples, but for spice and kick we went with peppers. And oh, there are sooo many to choose from... which ones to use?

Clockwise, starting with the fresh red pepper on the left: Thai pepper, chipotle powder, ancho chili powder, cayenne chili powder, crushed jalapeno peppers, Aleppo pepper (center), Guajillo pepper (long purplish dried pepper), Sanaam chili pepper (bottom)
This is where the flavor really comes into this recipe, and where you can go hog wild, picking and choosing as many (or as few) peppers as you wish. And I highly encourage readers to experiment on your own: we came up with flavors we liked, but there are so many more possible variations out there. Here's the basic recipe:

SKOOMA
4-6 oz. simple syrup
A pinch to a teaspoon of peppers (crushed, minced, dried, powder, a mix of peppers or a single variety)
Vodka

Mix the peppers into the simple syrup. Let sit for an hour or two. Strain. Mix with an equal part vodka, over ice or as straight shots. Lose your mind and yowl like a horny desert cat at the moon's dim light.

TIPS:
  • Lavender has a stronger flavor than sumac, so will stand up to the stronger peppers.
  • Don't let your base mixture sit for very long. Either drink it right away, or strain out the pepper after an hour (2 hours tops). If you let it sit, it tastes terrible.
  • Fresh peppers have a milder flavor than powdered (at least the ones we tried), but may have more heat.
  • Combinations that worked reasonably well were lavender and chipotle, lavender and Guajillo pepper, sumac and Aleppo pepper, and sumac and Thai pepper.
  • Don't drink this without cutting it with vodka (or gin, if you want something sweeter and fruitier). It's too cloyingly sweet without being diluted.
  • Goes well with Elsweyr Fondue and a need to erase the bleak lawlessness of Skyrim from your mind.

Saturday, May 11, 2013

10.10.10 Is the Number of the Feast

Towel Day is May 25. 
Have a Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Party!

Gwen and I enjoy throwing themed parties, especially long ones. The more pop cultural the better, and if we can work themed food in, well woe be to him who violates the theme. Like the Kung Fu Weekend of Death, complete with Shaw Brothers movies, a copious chinese dinner and dim sum breakfast. Or the Geek Movie Weekend, with back-to-back Holy Grail and Princess Bride.

Tangentially: We've spent waaaayyyy to many hours of our lives arguing over what is and is not a Geek Movie [Holy Grail IS, Total Recall is definitely NOT] and devising logical tests to determine it quickly and decisively. Eventually we'll be forced to post a Venn diagram to publish our research into this heady and debatable subject.  But I digress...

So when October 10, 2010 rolled around, my better half and I absolutely had to throw a themed party (Gwen attended of course).   We decided to make it a contest - a geek trivia scavenger hunt if you will - with clues and prizes for the first person to get it right. We thought long and hard for weeks about the clues, not wanting the game to be too easy or too hard, and using Guinea Pig Gwen to gauge their difficulty. We picked up some sweet ass prizes for the winners, including a D-n-D Red Box, Creationary (it's Lego Pictionary! Brilliant!), The Ladies of Star Wars playing cards, old USSR propaganda posters against drinking... We even prepared a Lamuella Sandwich Bar: a sumptuous buffet of fixin's for build-your-own sandwiches (including Perfectly Normal Beast, of course) and homemade mocha stout to keep everyone's spirits up.

The guests were gathered and the goal was explained:
Tell us what the theme of the party is, and why it's significant.

Clue #1: There are clues all around the house:

Sci-Fi + Britain

A dolphin, A Whale, and a Robot

Petunias

Bottles of Bitter and Salted Peanuts
 
Clue #2: Mice (Hyperintelligent pan-dimensional Beings)

Clue #3: Jack Handy (As in, Jack Handy's Deep Thoughts)

Clue #4: This party could only be held on 10/10/10.

The fourth clue was our favorite, and the inspiration for the party.  Serious Geeks will know that in Binary, 101010 = 42. 

We wanted the clues to be hard enough to be challenging and tailored to the audience, which is obsessed with pop culture references and quotes.  Unfortunately, we made them a little too hard, and nobody got it without hints.  But the guests had a good time, the sandwiches were worthy of Arthur Dent, and everyone loved the prizes, which we gave out anyway.

Here are some additional food ideas for future HHGTTG parties:
Gwen's Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster recipe
Fairy Cake
Milliway Steak Bites (Ameglion Major cow) and green Salad
Coconuts

So this Towel Day, have some friends over and raise a pint of bitter to the memory of Douglas Adams.   Stay Froody, Dude.  We miss you.

Douglas Adams 1952 - 2001